New Lesson Unlocked!

I went out with some friends last night to a Journey tribute band concert. We had such a great time singing along to every song. After the concert, we stopped at a club to listen to another band. I had a very eye-opening experience there.

We had a couple men come up to us, offer to buy us some drinks, and talked for bit. One of the men asked me where I was from and I told him Texas. We began talking some football and of course I was getting trashed for being a Cowboys fan. No biggie, I’m pretty used to it. I disagreed with him at one point and he started carrying on about how he must have hit a nerve because I was getting all defensive. I was little annoyed but let it go telling him I just didn’t agree with him.

I need to stress that I was not interested in this man at all. He was funny and entertaining, but I am working on myself. This is the year of me and I am focusing on me. I have no interest in dating until I can heal the parts of me that once again missed the red flags of lies and manipulation. I want to make sure I am healthy and good with myself before I allow someone else into my life. I don’t want to miss the warning signs again! So I was polite to this man, but not overly kind or enthusiastic. I was in no way rude, I just wasn’t flirting or trying to entertain him.

So, a little later into the night this man decides to tell me I’m uptight. First he didn’t like when I disagreed with him and decided that meant I was defensive and now he’s assigned a negative attitude to me because I didn’t go out of my way to make sure he was comfortable. This really made me start thinking. I was clearly not interested in him, but instead of just being polite or walking away, he decided there must be something wrong with me.

I know a lot of women were taught to make men comfortable, especially those of us raised in the church. They are the leaders, we are the followers. Be sweet and flirty even if not interested. Don’t upset them or argue with them and don’t make them feel bad about themselves. I did not realize how much time and energy I had wasted on making sure men did not receive negative vibes from me. It was just ingrained in me to be positive and nice even if the attention was unwanted and unwarranted.

Last night, I realized that I don’t have to make people feel comfortable when they are making me uncomfortable. I don’t have to excuse someone’s bad behaviors so they aren’t embarrassed or ashamed. I have spent way too much time accepting unacceptable behaviors just for sake of peace or concern for someone else’s mental state. My mental state is important, too!

If not being interested in a man means he walks away thinking I’m uptight, fine. If me disagreeing with him means he no longer wants to be with me, that’s ok. If calling him out for lying and being physically aggressive makes him ashamed, good, he should be! If having my own opinions, thoughts, and desires makes me too much, great! I’m done making myself less than for anyone.