manipulation – Finding The Good

Fortitude

I beat myself up for a bit about being fooled again by a man who was manipulating me. It was the realization that I once again put my trust in someone who was just lying to me that made me so angry at myself. I really thought I had worked through the biggest bulk ofContinue reading “Fortitude”

Identifying Emotions

I have been hard-pressed fo find a name for how I feel about what I went through in this last relationship. I had been using the word sad, but that didn’t feel quite right. Angry yes, but I know anger is just a broad word we use for many emotions. Angry by itself just didn’tContinue reading “Identifying Emotions”

Fifty

Tomorrow is my fiftieth birthday. I don’t know how it got here so fast. There were supposed to be big plans, a trip, but all that fell apart. My friends got busy, my relationship ended, and I discovered he’s a narcissist. Definitely not the birthday I had thought it would be. Even with the disappointments,Continue reading “Fifty”

Lessons I’ve Learned Part 1

I went to the Smokey Mountains last weekend. I needed to get away from here and have some space and time to think and spend time with God. I have struggled so much with the realization that I had been the target of a narcissist, two of them. I finally took some time to goContinue reading “Lessons I’ve Learned Part 1”

Free Love for All

I think there’s a misconception about love. I feel that people often think it needs to be earned or won. My ex has told me that he has never felt good enough for me; he has never felt worthy of my love. He has never felt like he had earned it. I think that’s becauseContinue reading “Free Love for All”

My Own Lament

He is so much fun to be around. He’s funny, engaging, and the life of the party. He’s very touchy when he’s with me, always has a hand on my back, my neck, my leg. He’s sweet and so charming and says all the right things, how beautiful I am, how he loves to touchContinue reading “My Own Lament”

Trauma Bonding

I had a dream last night that I was sitting on my front porch reading a book and my ex was making dinner in the kitchen. A man walked up and began attacking me. He was hitting me repeatedly and I was screaming for help. He just looked at me through the window and laughedContinue reading “Trauma Bonding”