amyc321

Lament

This morning after I dropped off my youngest at school, I had a meltdown. It seems to be happening daily, but today I was determined I would not feel that deep ache in my soul. I was going to pretend it didn’t exist. Then, my garage door wouldn’t close. I messed with the sensors, checkedContinue reading “Lament”

What Is Love?

After much soul searching this week, I think I’m ready to dig a little deeper. I grew up with a beautiful example of love. My parents shared a 1 Corinthians 13 love. While not perfect, they still taught me to always choose to love with patience and kindness, selflessness and honesty. They taught me thatContinue reading “What Is Love?”

Trauma Bonding

I had a dream last night that I was sitting on my front porch reading a book and my ex was making dinner in the kitchen. A man walked up and began attacking me. He was hitting me repeatedly and I was screaming for help. He just looked at me through the window and laughedContinue reading “Trauma Bonding”

A Gift

Sometimes God gives you a blessing. It may hurt at the time, but eventually you can see it as a blessing. I got mine last night. He did something so hurtful, I don’t know how I will get past it. Just when I thought he could do nothing worse, he managed to inflict even moreContinue reading “A Gift”

Cognitive Dissonance

When you live your adult life being fed lie after lie after lie, you become numb to it. You learn to just expect it. I realized one day that I no longer believed anything that came out of his mouth. I assumed he never told the truth. If he told me he was going toContinue reading “Cognitive Dissonance”

Abuse Amnesia

I keep getting messages that I’m strong and brave. I am neither. Most of the time I feel incredibly weak and scared when discussing this topic. I’m not telling my story so that I can show strength, I’m telling it so other women can feel strong. I want them to get the courage to walkContinue reading “Abuse Amnesia”

Is there ever really an end?

I hate the phrase “’It takes two to destroy a marriage.” Sometimes it only takes one! Things at home were better with him gone. There was a definite peace about the house and the boys and I settled into a good routine. He would come home on most weekends and we would all walk onContinue reading “Is there ever really an end?”

So many lies

Infidelity trauma is real. Emotional abuse trauma is real. The insecurity, pain, and anxiety that comes from being manipulated, used, and controlled is real. Being gaslit makes you think you’re crazy and the constant lies make you second guess everything you know is truth. This is trauma and trauma can cause PTSD. The triggers, nightmares,Continue reading “So many lies”

How to Start?

This blog has been five years in the making. It’s taken me that long to to get the courage to share my story. My story begins in 1996. I met and became engaged to a man I thought was kind, generous, and funny. He was my first and only. That meant something to me, butContinue reading “How to Start?”