Tomorrow is my fiftieth birthday. I don’t know how it got here so fast. There were supposed to be big plans, a trip, but all that fell apart. My friends got busy, my relationship ended, and I discovered he’s a narcissist. Definitely not the birthday I had thought it would be.
Even with the disappointments, it has still been really good. I had a trip last weekend with a good friend (was supposed to be three of us, but one had a death in the family) to Greenville, SC. We went to see We The Kingdom, my favorite Christian band, and did some Christmas shopping. The shopping is very sparse in the town where I live. We had lots of good conversation and a great dinner at Chuy’s. This Texas girl was so excited to have some real Tex-mex!
This weekend has been busy with more shows. Friday night, another girlfriend took me to dinner and to see Anne Wilson from Heart. She was amazing! It was a very low-key concert, but her vocals are still absolutely amazing and her band is one of the best I’ve seen in a while. We went to another restaurant after the concert for a drink, Craft and Vine. This place over decorates for Christmas and I’ve been wanting to get in during this time of year for a while, but the wait is always so long. A few years ago, I requested to go there on my birthday and when we got there my ex refused to wait, so we went to some crap restaurant instead. My friend knew the story, so she made sure we went.
Last night, my son and I went to see Matt Rife, the comedian. It was so much fun! We had such a great time and laughed so hard. When we got home, my son said his face hurt from all the laughing. It makes me so happy that he laughs and smiles all the time now. There was a time period where there wasn’t a lot of smiling.
Let’s not forget the friend who last month, let me come stay at his cottage rental outside Pigeon Forge as an early birthday gift. It gave me some quiet in the midst of all the chaos (in my head and life) that comes with ending a relationship with a narcissist and unpacking the damage it caused. It was very kind of him and if you ever head that way, I highly recommend one of his places. I’ll put the link at the end of the post.
Tomorrow the boys and I are taking family pics. We haven’t done this in years and I want to get some done while it’s still just the three of us. I’m really looking forward to it, and can’t wait! I’m also doing pics of just me. I decided I needed to change the way I see myself and I think this is the start to doing that. The only other photo shoot I’ve ever done was in Nashville when I was there singing, around 1995.
I made a decision a few weeks ago to start choosing me. I haven’t done that since I was that girl in Nashville trying to follow a dream. I had given up my life for a husband, kids, friends, parents, and church- losing myself along the way. While I have worked hard to get that girl back, I still hadn’t figured out that it’s okay to choose me. It’s not selfish to make myself a priority. I don’t think women in my generation were taught that, especially ones who grew up in the church. I lost myself trying to be everything to everyone who needed me, not even seeing that I needed me, also. This made me a perfect target for a man who wanted a partner who would make him her whole life.
So, the year of fifty is about me. It’s about me making sure I am taking care of me. Making me the healthiest- physically, mentally, and emotionally, that I can be so I can be the best version of me; the version God created me to be. I don’t know what His plans are for my future, but I’m going to be open to whatever adventures He has for me. I’m going to trust that the life God has planned for me will be amazing and full of joy. In choosing Him, I’m choosing me.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4
Finding The Good 